You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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