How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Your dad touched me again.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
