why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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