I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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