i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
