my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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