EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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