Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
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And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
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I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Bring me that man meat
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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