My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize