if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
