We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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