Define "chronic" masturbator.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
