I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
