I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
