Are we in a gay sports bar?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
