I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
