Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
