It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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