You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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