And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
