i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
