dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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