my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
