They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
