You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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