Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
