I think i peed on brittanys purse
I looked at my own cervix.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize