I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
