ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
