i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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