you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
