great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
