you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
