I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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