Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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