Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
