Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
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We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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