I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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