When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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