i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
