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Michael Bay diarrhea
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
