Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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