STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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