Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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