So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
