when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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