the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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