Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
