The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
