Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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