He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize