An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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