So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
