Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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