it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
