party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
