What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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