You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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