I want to walk on stilts...naked
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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