I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
