Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
