Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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