I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
