Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
