Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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