The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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