And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
