Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
