How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
