shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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