It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
