I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it glows. i had to have it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
