I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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