This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
