it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
